This alien abduction crap is starting to tic me off.

This alien abduction crap is starting to tic me off

Lookee here- I know we all got our jobs to do. And I’m not trying to be all in your face and whatnot– but this daggone stealing people in the middle of the night thing is really starting to get me madder’n a bat in a suitcase, if you know what I mean.

I’m sure ya’ll just following orders from your high commander and they fixin to bust your little green balls about your probe quota, or what have ya. But Jesus H. Christ on a popsicle stick, why my truck route from Nevada to New Mexico always gotta be interrupted with the daggone blue lights and electric pulses and the freakin’ blackouts makin it darker then the plucked insides of a cow? I’m ’bout fixin’ to lose my religion!

Hear this, I got a job to do, too, you know? And my boss is bustin’ my balls about my rounds being eight hours behind… four times!

And what am I supposed to tell him? Some uglier than a bucket of armpits green midget took me for a probing and a light show last night. Had me squirming like a worm in hot ashes. Again. Sorry boss, I’m sure you understand.

Yessir, that’ll make’em happier than a dead pig in the sunshine.

No, what he’s gonna say is, “Poor ole Jesse Cartwright, either he’s lyin’ like a no-legged dog or he’s nuttier than squirrel shit!”

I just can’t have that followin’ me for the rest of my natural life.

Look fellers, I’ll make you a deal. You lay off the probing and I’ll make your acquaintance with this mermaid I found in my, uh buddy found, this here last month. She wants to ride in ya’ll spacecraft and she figure watching ya fittin to probe her would keep y’all busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor. Hee!
She may be uglier than homemade sin, but she has horse sense.

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